[Osx-nutters] Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

[Kevin Callahan]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again  
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by  
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new  
definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the  
subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops  
bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little  
sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of  
getting
laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the  
person who
doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these  
really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day  
consuming
only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when  
they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after  
you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in  
the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its  
yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for  
common
words. And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been  
run
over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline..
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by  
proctologists.
13. pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by  
Jewish
men.